Sincere Compliments!!

When you give a compliment it is like saving change for a rainy day. The best part..... Compliments are free! It is critically important to compliment the folks you support, co-workers and your supervisors. Compliments must be sincere or they mean nothing and you actually lose crediblility.

Compliments will:

1. Help you bond and create trust with the person.
2. Show them that you value them.
3. Help them build self-esteem.
4. Will lift you up!

Sometimes it is difficult to find compliments to give when working with someone challenging, whether it is someone supported or a co-worker. But it can be easier than you think! If you look deep within the person you WILL find something. Have patience, you will find the HERO in everybody.

Here are some examples:
1. I really appreciate that you punch in and out on time. It makes my job easier.
2. I notice that I never have to remind you to take out the trash.
3. I like that you always dress right for the occasion.
4. I love your passion for coloring!

Everyone is unique and sometimes you have to point out that they shine. I have often heard folks say "Why should I compliment someone when their actions are an expectation?" Let me tell you, I appreciate that people do what is expected! It should be recognized!
Sky

The Eyes Say it All

Eye Contact

Eye contact is one of the most important skills of communication. Eye contact conveys:
1. I value you.
2. I am paying attention to you.
3. What you communicate to me is important.

Combined with facial expressions it may help you:
1. Gain cooperation with someone you support.
2. Diffuse a challenging situation.
3. Build credibility.

Used the right way, eye contact will help to create likeability.
Sky

Smiles

A smile typically conveys the message "I like you". When someone doesn't like something are they smiling? Folks that have mental disabilites depend on body language a great deal. When you smile while approaching someone your message will be recieved more often.
A smile is great means of breaking the ice with someone. A smile can put other people at ease with you, help them calm down. A genuine smile spreads to the eyes and lights up the whole face, whereas a nervous smile doesn’t spread past the lips. You can also tell if the person is a auditory or visual or kinetic by examining the face where one is looking while someone is speaking to them.
A smile is comforting. A smile can turn an upsetting situation around. And the best part, smiles are free!
Sky

Likeability

Likeability is one of the biggest keys to working with someone with disabilities. I collected this information off the web. I put my two cents in with italics.

21 Keys to Magnetic Likeability

Be Attentive to Others and Never Stop Listening – Self-centered people are usually unlikable. When you’re involved in a conversation, it’s important to focus more on the other person and less on yourself. If you genuinely concern yourself with others and listen to them closely, you’ll make scores of friends with little effort. Remember, everybody loves a good listener.

When someone is attentive to you doesn’t it feel good?

Compliment People Who Deserve It – Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and complement the people who have gone out of their way to shine. Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated.

Doesn’t it feel great when you are complimented?

Make Yourself Available and Approachable – If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you. Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them. Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you.

When working with folks with disabilities things can get sometimes busy and hectic. Administering medications, paperwork and other required duties. If you are truly busy when someone wants to talk, tell them that what they have to talk about is important to you and when you finish what you are doing you will give them your full attention. Make sure to follow through in a timely manner!

Speak Clearly so People Can Understand You – Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand. Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and likeability.

Know the person you are working with! Know their vocabulary and cognitive abilities. Adjust your speaking so they can understand you.

Never Try to Be Someone You’re Not – All people have the subconscious ability to detect bullshit. Even academy award winning actors slip up every now and then. Fake people are not likeable. Ask yourself this: If you don’t like who you really are, why the heck should I like you?
Most folks with disabilities can spot a fake.

If you are being fake to begin with, why are you working with them?

Address People by Their Name – People love the sight and sound of their own name, so make sure you learn to remember names. Use them respectfully in both oral and written communication.

Mirror the Person You’re Conversing With – You can mirror someone by imitating their body language, gestures, movements and facial expressions during a one on one conversation. The other person will unconsciously pickup on the familiarity of your mirrored actions, which will provide them with an added sense of comfort as they speak with you. The more comfortable you make them feel, the more they will enjoy being around you.

Always Ask to Help… and Help When Asked – Everyone appreciates the gift of free assistance and those who supply it. Highly likeable people always spare time for others, regardless of how busy their own schedules are. Remember, helping people get what they want is the #1 key to getting what you want.

Please, always ask if they need help before jumping in and doing so.

Never Get Caught Lying – Everybody stretches the truth at times, but everyone hates a liar. Ironic, isn’t it? Regardless, understand that your credibility and likeability will get crushed if you are caught telling a lie.

Say “Please” and “Thank You” – These 2 simple phrases make demands sound like requests and inject a friendly tone into serious conversations. It can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful.

Use Positive Language (Body and Verbal) – You can use positive language skills to exhibit yourself as a helpful, constructive person rather than a destructive, disinterested one. Positive body language involves the act of maintaining eye contact while speaking, using hand gestures to accentuate important points, leaning in closer while someone else is speaking, smiling, and mirroring the person you’re involved in a conversation with. Positive verbal language concentrates on what can be done, suggests helpful choices and alternatives, and sounds accommodating and encouraging rather than one-dimensionally bureaucratic.

Folks with disabilities really rely on your body language for receiving messages.

Smile – Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile. Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles. Suddenly she doesn’t seem like a stranger anymore, does she? Instead she seems warm and friendly, someone you wouldn’t mind being around for a little while longer.

How do you feel when someone approaches you with a frown. Kind of feels like “oh crap, what now.”

Keep Unqualified Opinions to Yourself – If you don’t have all the facts, or you’re uneducated on the topic of discussion, it’s in your best interest to spend your time listening. Unqualified opinions just make a person sound foolishly arrogant.

Be careful not to impose your own values and preferences! It’s understandable to share opinions of morals but be careful not to demand from the folks you support.

Provide Tangible Value – Don’t just follow in the footsteps of everyone else. Figure out which pieces of the puzzle are missing and put them in place. When you add tangible value, you increase your own value in the eyes of others.

Respect folks with disabilities, Respect everyone – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. People will notice your kindness.

Make Frequent Eye Contact… but Don’t Stare – There’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication. When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction, which leads to likeability. The key is to make frequent eye contact without gawking. If you fail to make eye contact you will be seen as insincere and untrustworthy. Likewise, an overbearing stare can make you appear arrogant and egotistical.

Also, not making eye contact may imply that you do not respect the person. Too much may be considered threatening.

Don’t Over-Promise… Instead, Over-Deliver – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill. They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity. Sure, they do deliver something. But it’s not inline with the original expectations, so all it does is drive negative press. If you want people to like you, forget about making promises and simply over-deliver on everything you do.

If you have to break a promise to someone you owe them an explanation. You also need to figure out a way to make it right.

Stand Up for Your Beliefs Without Promoting Them – Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat. Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims. Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information.

Make a Firm Handshake – There is a considerable correlation between the characteristics of a firm handshake (strength, duration, eye contact, etc.) and a positive first impression.

Keep Your Hands Away from Your Face – Putting your hands on your face during a conversation tells the other person that you’re either bored, negatively judging them, or trying to hide something.

Dress Clean – “Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.” Henry Ward said that, and he knew exactly what he was talking about. People will always judge a book by its cover. While a stylish dress code is not absolutely necessary, it can drastically alter another person’s perception of you.

Influence

Whether you support someone with disabilities in their own home or a facility, you have PROFOUND influence. You can help to make their lives a living hell or a paradise. Check your attitude before entering their home.

How do you feel when you have help in your home? If you were getting some kind of service in your home wouldn’t you want to be treated respectfully? We are all aware that other people’s moods and attitudes affect us. Moods and attitudes are contagious. After your shift you get to go home. They are in their home.

Evaluate why you are working the job. Before entering someone’s home I always remind myself that I am entering their life. It’s not ‘just a job’. It’s someone’s life. Sky

Intent of Ability Focus

I have worked with folks with ‘mental disabilities’ for almost 12 years. I guess it is broken down into three categories of ‘mental disabilities’.

Mental Retardation
Brain Injury
Mental Illness

Along the way I have had the privilege of learning how to better relate to folks with and without ‘disabilities’. On this blog I intend to share some tips and tricks of people working in this field to help enhance the quality of life of persons with ‘mental disabilities’.

The first thing we need to know is DO NOT focus on the disability. FOCUS on the abilities of the person. If you are focused on what they can’t do it will block your efforts to teach and coach effectively.
Sky